The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
