just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
