Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize