The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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