70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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