nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
