Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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