also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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