my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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