i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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