Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
