Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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