I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
