you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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