I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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