Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
