Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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