My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
