need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
