I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
