Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
