All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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