seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
