I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
