did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
