I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
