Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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