Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
