i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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