i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
