508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
