um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
