i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
