I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
