Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
