Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
