No, you can still breathe under the balls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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