I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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