So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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