Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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