Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
