I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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