it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
