I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
