could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
