that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
tell me about the eggs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize