and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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