Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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