She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
