"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
