Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
