hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
