Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
