I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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