tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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