hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
