So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
