You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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