new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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