I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
