It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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