Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
