I just saw a hot homeless man
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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