that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
