Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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