dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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