4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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