I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
