When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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