My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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