Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Less talking, more tequila
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
