i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
