in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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