Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
