She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
