There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
