Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
